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Most Ignorant Person On Planet Found |
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 2 Guys, a Mac, and a Website has finally completed their year-long search for the planet's biggest ignoramous. One Ned "Finger-quotes" Jorgleson was found to have been the person most bafflingly and thrillingly oblivious to simple facts that most other humans seem to have picked up at one point or another.
The winner is selected not only for complete and utter ignorance, but also insistence that he or she is actually correct on these points. Over the past year, Mr. Jorgleson was heard to have remarked several great phrases such as, "Hey, you're using a Mac? Those are only good for graphics". When informed that graphics are the end result of many things, including processor power, amount of RAM, quality of display and graphics card, and therefore if Macs are good at graphics then they must inherently be good at everything else, he cleverly retorted, "Pfff. There are no games for Apple."
Utterly incapable of distinguishing Apple, the computer company, from Mac, the product the aforementioned computer company makes, was another quality that helped Ned win the award.
At the first annual "Iggy" awards Monday night, Ned was presented with a trophy of a man bending over and inserting his head into his own behind. His acceptance speech proved him even more worthy, as he spouted his usual ignorance: "Man, I'm sick of people saying it's Microsoft's fault about these viruses. Microsoft comes out with patches for stuff every month, and besides if people actually used Macs or Linux, they'd have the same problems too. Open-source stuff isn't any more secure than Windows is."
A brief movie-clip collage showed Ned in rare form at his workplace, assaulting his co-workers with blindingly stupid comments such as, "Doesn't Microsoft own Mac?", "Does wireless stuff actually work in your Apple?", "I don't like Apples because of the one-button mouse and they don't have a command-prompt", and finally "Macs are just eye-candy, you can't get any real work done on them".
But his denseness isn't restricted to computers, and that's what helped him win the Iggy in the end. For instance, in political matters, Ned has a unilateral answer in dealing with any countries that don't do whatever the U.S. says: "let's just go over there and nuke 'em." When advised that, aside from killing millions of innocent people, radiation from nuclear bombs could also harm the rest of the planet, plus some countries may then counter-attack the U.S. and it's allies, he said "eh... they get what they deserve".
Ned is also a candidate to win a Darwin Award this upcoming year. |
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June 22 2004, 2:07 PM EDT, by
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Comments:
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| HTML Samurai |
6/22/04, 4:35 PM EDT |
Laughing my ass off!
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| mac-mark |
6/22/04, 5:15 PM EDT |
Man I have no idea if this is true or not but, regardless... that's some funny stuff!
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| rlhamon |
6/22/04, 10:36 PM EDT |
Whew .... I just glad you wasn't talking about me
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| Da_John-like_Creature |
6/22/04, 10:55 PM EDT |
lmao, and listening to it all being spoken by Agnes...FUCK YOU AGNES !!!! God, I need to switch to the slut, Vicki...
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| cAtraXx |
6/23/04, 12:56 AM EDT |
Ah i see ... Mr. President-to-be. What a bitch.
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| Cosmic Stan |
6/23/04, 6:19 AM EDT |
Try throwing your socks in the trash before they gots the holes in the feet.
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| jobzzz... |
6/23/04, 3:43 PM EDT |
macusers are fruitcakes.
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| Jonahan |
6/23/04, 7:30 PM EDT |
Ned!? Is that you????
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| Patrick Weigel |
6/24/04, 12:22 AM EDT |
There are no innocent people.
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| Les Kern |
6/24/04, 12:32 AM EDT |
Huh? It's odd how he gets the award and I meet people JUST like him daily. The fix is in: He is an amalgam... an approximation... whatever. No doubt a Republican. (No offense to sane Republicans everywhere)
As for the "fruitcake" quote, in one sentence some cretin invalidates 18 years of my life. What a guy.
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| Da_John-like_Creature |
6/24/04, 4:28 PM EDT |
none taken Les Kern (I gotta be more same than the others, even if just because I use a Mac)
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| sweetjimmyhugs |
6/24/04, 9:10 PM EDT |
As for the "fruitcake" quote, in one sentence some cretin invalidates 18 years of my life. What a guy.
I know what you mean. My Dad did the same thing when he said I was an accident.... and that my real father was a wookie.
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| bambi |
6/25/04, 12:39 PM EDT |
Ooooooh, this kind of stuff makes me soooooo mad!!!! People who speak against Macs without knowing anything about them drive me crazy!!!
And YES, sheesh, if "Mac's are good for graphics" might not that indicate some pretty powerful processing ability?? That if they can do that, they can do ANYTHING??!!!
*duh* !!!! Some people!!!
PS -- has anyone read Scott Kelby's book, "Macintosh -- the Naked Truth" ? It's fantastic, it's like a second Bible to me now!!!
- Bambi, a switcher who will never go back!!
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