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Apple Beating Microsoft At Their Own Game |
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 Well it's Friday and it's about time we got back to the what this site is all about: midget porn with donkeys. Oh, and fake Mac news as well. It's been far too long since we've cut loose and waxed poetic about the state of affairs with Apple - plus - our crack staff has uncovered some rather juicy morsels of information. (We'll even share the leftovers with you after the article's over - good eats.)
We've found out that Steve Jobs, being sick of Apple's low marketshare and slow business and government sales, issued an ultimatum some time ago to make a big stab at taking some corporate sales from Microsoft. Well folks, phase A of Steve's grand plan is in motion.
Apple has grabbed headlines and mindshare among IT workers like nothing else can: virus and security warnings. See, Steve knows that those in control of buying computers at big businesses are usually the same ones that get paid to fix said computers. Therefore, the more stable the computers are, the less stable their jobs are. (Isn't it funny how Steve's last name is Jobs?)
So Steve's secret plan? Slowly but surely work in security holes, trojans, and eventually viruses and worms, until OS X is finally on an even playing field with Windows! What, you think someone would have really started up a company like Intego, who makes security software for OS X? That's Steve's front for this whole thing! He can't have Apple pointing out it's own security flaws, now can he?
Well a proof of concept trojan, an AppleScript that launches a Terminal command, and a real honest-to-goshness security hole later, and Apple is in business - literally. IT managers world-over are eyeballing Macs for purchase next quarter.
One was overheard to remark that, "Microsoft just isn't getting it done anymore. I mean there was the Sasser worm earlier this month, and they did a good job with that, but I'm a "what have you done for me lately" kind of guy. And the dozens of minor viruses just don't cut the mustard. All we have right now is a 'possible' virus for 64-bit systems. I need something that's going to hit most of the computers we have today, I can't wait around for these 64-bit viruses. If Microsoft can't deliver, then I may have to look towards Macs."
Also annoyed with Apple's recent turnaround is Microsoft's own CEO, Steve Ballmer, who, when prodded with a stick and woken from a 21-donut-induced diabetic coma, groggily stated that, "Apple has no right to do this - viruses are what WE do. I'm gonna hire the best damn virus writers available and buy up all the pro-virus companies out there and bring 'em in-house. Then we'll show Apple what viruses really are and turn this ship right back around! WOOO! WOOOOOOOO! WOOO! GIVE IT UP FOR ME! I LOVE THIS COMPANYYYYYYYYYYEAARRRRRRRGH"
At that point we ran for our lives, but iKen ran the slowest. We fear for his safety and hope he isn't being slowly digested over the course of a thousand years in the belly of the Ballmer.
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May 28 2004, 8:41 PM EDT, by
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Comments:
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| Cyanide |
5/29/04, 1:42 AM EDT |
LAST POST! WOO!
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| sweetjimmyhugs |
5/29/04, 2:49 PM EDT |
OH MY GOD! iKen has been idle for 31 minutes! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :deep breath: OOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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| cAtraXx |
5/30/04, 4:40 PM EDT |
You know what ? I dared to scan my w2k router for trojans today. (I still have a w2k router because my modem only supports windose)
And guess what ? I had 4 trojans on it, one of them had remotely installed a http server on the machine. What the hey ? I mean i never *EVER* used the machine for *ANYTHING* It just provided the internet connection for our network. And it gets even better. Some weird form of adware was installed, too, so now *EVERY* Website i visit with that computer has Yellow Text and black background and i get bounced to some site called hotsearch every once in a while.
I mean ... honestly now ... i've done nothing with the machine, even the monitor was plugged out and now i find it full of Spyware, Adware and Trojans ? I can't believe that anyone is buying stuff from M$ anymore.
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| radom person |
5/30/04, 5:56 PM EDT |
most people don't buy M# they usually bootlegg it since it's not worthy of money
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I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.
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