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T.V. Commercials - Are They a Waste of Space? |
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 I am incredibly bored and can't sleep. So bored in fact that I have decided to write this article at 2:00 AM. Now if you only want to read about Apple related things, go somewhere else. 'Cause right now I don't want to talk about Apple and Macs.
Today we get to talk all 'bout T.V. commercials.
So let's get to it. First we will start with medicine commercials. Everyone has heard the phrase: "Talk to your doctor about Zocarifinolidisdine." Needless to say they don't tell you what Zocarifinolidisdine does, but gosh darn it they want you to ask your doctor about it. And on the rare occasion that they do tell you what it is and what it is for, there are all kinds of side affects (Glumendime stops your lower spleen from wearing down. Side effects may include diarrhea, acute brain tumors, and death by sharks.) And who in the world is going to their doctor to ask about Zocarifinolidisdine? Not me. First you pay $200 dollars just to see him. But it will be well worth it when he gives his wise knowledge about the fact that your right eyeball is hanging out of its socket (Doctor: "Looks like you might got pinkeye or sompin.") Then he writes you a prescription for a $500 bottle containing 3 microscopic pills. So I personally think medicine commercials are the worst.
Next: Car commercials. If the commercial is for the company in general, they will show a dealership full of happy customers looking around at all the great cars, and smartly dressed sales persons will walk briskly by as if on an important errand and will say part of a sentence, while other salespersons will walk by the camera in the other direction and finish off that sentence. If the commercial is for a single car, that car will be shown going around tight curves, splashing through raging rivers, charging up the vertical side of Mt. Everest. But would we take a 20 thousand dollar investment up into the woods where, God forbid, it might get dirty?! No way in hell. Do you see, while on a nature hike, Hummer 2's driving around up there? Hell no. All the H2's are back in town where their great power is used to go get more milk.
And finally, we will do fast food commercials. McDonald's to start. No doubt you have seen a Mickey D's in the commercial world. The store is sparkling clean. And all of the employees are chirpy and cheerful and grateful to be serving you, the customer. But in the real world, do we see that? No! We see people who would really like to spit on you when you can't decide whether to have the Big Mac or the Big Mac supreme. Plus, they are forced to wear stupid hats.
Chicks want to get into Jared's pants
And let's not forget Jared, our Subway loving fool. You remember Jared? The guy who lost 255 pounds by going on the Subway diet? Yeah. Well today in the commercials he is still hanging around and getting "more in shape" by stuffing his face with more than 30 sandwiches a day. Because "gosh darnit," says Subway, we make healthy food. Yes Jared, but not when you eat ten of Subway's chicken, beef & lamb caesar salads.
Whew. I feel better now that I let out the steam from last week.
See ya!
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July 14 2003, 8:54 AM EDT, by
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Comments:
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| iKen |
7/14/03, 1:20 PM EDT |
I agree, but the true problem with TV today is reality TV.
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