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Apple To Initiate Pepsi Detox Program |
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 The recent launching of Apple and Pepsi's partnership to give away 100 million songs through the iTunes Music Store has brought about a somewhat not unforeseen consequence: the dozens of computer geeks who weren't already addicted to some type of soda are now Pepsi junkies.
That's right, it seems that the irresistable urge to buy a Pepsi just to have a chance to win an iTunes Music Store song has been ... er ... irresistable. Many people are drinking excessive amounts of Pepsi, leading to overactive bladder syndrome, liver damage, and staying up all night playing Halo.
Apple is not ignoring the problem, however. Beginning March 31st, 2004 (the last day of the free iTMS song giveaway - see Apple's rules for further details) Apple will start a detoxification program to ween users off of Pepsi products. Details of the program are unclear at this point, but whispers around the 2GAMAAW headquarters lead us to believe that Apple is close to striking a deal with M&M/Mars for a followup iTMS giveaway.
We were lucky to talk Steve Jobs about the situation (the real one this time), and he had this to say: "It's unfortunate that so many people have to be subjected to unneccessary soda drinking, but they could always just buy the Pepsi and dump it out. There's really no need to ingest it or anything crazy like that."
Of course, people could just buy a 99˘ song in the online iTunes Music Store instead of buying a $1.19 bottle of Pepsi with a 1 in 3 chance of winning a song, and then having to enter a code if said bottle is a winner. When questioned about this, Jobs stated, "Well...yes, but you see it's good karma. Buy Pepsi."
He then waved his hands at us like he was trying to hypnotize us and said "Buyyyyy Pepsiiiiiiii", and then ran after a guy who was pushing a danish cart.
So there you have it folks, Pepsi drinkers the world over are thrilled with the prospect of free songs followed by a quick and painless rehab program!
What's that?
The promotion is only going on in the U.S.?
Oh. Well still that's pretty neat, right? No? Ok, well how about this Mr. Fruity Pants, if you live outside the US, we will buy you a bottle and ship it to you. You'll have a one in three chance of winning a song from the iTunes Music Store! That's like over 33%!!! All for the low, low price of $35.99 plus shipping. Think about it. A whole freaking song. Anything in the iTMS. Plus you'll have a jump on all those other people who can't use iTunes outside the U.S.! You'll be the envy of ... well every man, woman and child not in the U.S..
Act now, supplies are limited.
Bonus 2GAMAAW coverage: Thanks to our expert investigative skills, it has come to our attention that you don't even have to buy a Pepsi to have a shot at winning a free song. Read the following from Apple's rules page:
To receive one free game piece and a copy of Official Rules, while supplies last, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope postmarked on or before 3/31/04 to:
Pepsi iTunes Game Piece
P.O. Box 9205
Young America, MN 55558-9205
Residents of the state of VT may omit return postage. Limit one free game piece per request per stamped outer envelope. Pepsi-Cola Company (“Sponsor”) assumes no liability for lost, late, stolen, illegible, misdirected, mutilated, incomplete or postage-due mail or requests.
Click here for more information.
(And yes, wise guy, this too applies only to those in the "States". You can thank us by showering us with gifts.)
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February 5 2004, 7:54 PM EDT, by
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Comments:
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| Robert |
2/5/04, 11:33 PM EDT |
So let's see...
Free game piece, for the cost of two stamps (2 x 0.37) and 1 in 3 chance of winning. If I send in enough times I average a free iTMS song for $2.22. Drat!
But suppose I have a VT address ("omit return postage"). Now it's only... $1.11. Not yet.
Aha! Presorted bulk mail. I think I can get that for about 0.21 to 0.28. Now song is only $0.62 to $0.84 each! I'm making money now!!
So wonder how much envelopes cost?
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| HTML Samurai |
2/6/04, 2:10 PM EDT |
Or, you can purchase three bottles of Pepsi, knowing that one of them will be a winner. And they are about, what $5.00 each or something like that, so for the bargain basement price of $3,000, you too can own a piece of history - guaranteed!
Ok, it's not guaranteed, it's not even $3,000. But if you are going to drink the darn Pepsi anyway, you might as well reach all the way in the back and grab the one that feels lucky! Or, two, or three - what ever it takes to improve your odds. Just remember, there is free music on the line here!
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| MacSchlong |
2/6/04, 2:43 PM EDT |
What a pathetic low-life to drink that crap to "win" a $1 something... The masses are stupid.
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| sweetjimmyhugs |
2/6/04, 3:36 PM EDT |
I wish it was Coke instead of Pepsi.. or maybe coke instead of Coke.
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| Jedbeck |
2/6/04, 6:44 PM EDT |
sweetjimmyhugs I love the hate mail section of your site.
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| Happy |
2/6/04, 7:22 PM EDT |
first pepsi was a winner. "Brandy, You're a Fine Girl" found a new home...
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| stickman67 |
2/8/04, 6:27 PM EDT |
Two things have to happen to set the world to rights. 1) Apple has to get iTMS up and running in Australia. 2) Apple has to cut a deal with Guinness and run this competition in conjunction with that damned fine brew!
I've had my say. Now prove me wrong!
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| Squirrel Master |
2/10/04, 4:17 PM EDT |
i bought a pepsi and won on my first try....i think i am going to get "when a man loves a woman" because nothings better than when michael bolton sings "when a man loves a woman"
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| Jonahan |
2/10/04, 7:14 PM EDT |
Ha!
Heheeeee!
Hooooo doggy ...
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| stickman67 |
2/10/04, 11:11 PM EDT |
Michael Bolton sings? And here was me thinking that he was howling in his suffering from an incurable anal fistula the size of a cantaloupe ...
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