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Real Player or Real Pathetic? |
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 When I first heard that Real had hacked fairplay so that their downloaded music format would work on the iPod, and Apple's response to the hack, I thought Rob Glaser and the rest of Real Networks had gone loco. Knowing how bad Real player sucks, I just dismissed it as unimportant, assuming Real would just screw this up too.
Then this morning I first saw Real Networks' new anti-Apple ad campaign called Freedom Of Music Choice. I uttered the words first made famous by Daffy Duck, "Of course you know, this means war". Suddenly this story just got a whole lot more interesting. So I started to tool around on their website looking for ammunition to put in to this article I am writing now.
It was at that point I realized how pathetic the whole thing really was.
The website had plenty of articles slamming Apple for not allowing everyone to run willy-nilly with the technology Apple had created. Along with an ad for Real's music download service, a feature that will start Thursday called "Rock o-n Rob" with their CEO Rob Glaser, and, just when you think things couldn't possibly become more pathetic, even promoting an upcoming chat session with "recording artist" Devo. This of course being the first time Devo has been referred to as a "recording artist" since 1987.
For the benefit of the young ones out there who do not know who Devo is; Devo is a "one hit wonder" that is famous for releasing a song called "Whip It" in 1980. And no, that isn't a typo, I said one hit in 1980. This is even worse than using Tommy Lee as a spokesperson. (Tommy Lee of course famous for his... ahem.... movie with Pamela Anderson. Apparently he also played in some rock band)
OK, so now we know the players. In one corner we have a company famous for creating innovative, simple, and productive computer hardware, software, and accessories. And in the other corner we have a company famous for [buffering].... creating [buffering].... buggy an[buffering]....d all around[buffering].... annoying products with a CEO who is obviously in mid-life crisis. (Rock o-n Rob.... Yeah, that will make you sound younger rather than dorkier.) Sounds like we have a good fight on our hands here. Or do we?
I seem to be using the word "pathetic" a lot in this story. But it is the best word to describe Real Networks. A quick check of the old thesaurus produces some alternatives, but "pathetic" just does so well. Real Media quality is pathetic. Real Player is pathetic. Real's download service is pathetic. It just keeps going.
But perhaps the most pathetic thing of all (and yes there is something more pathetic than the spokesperson) is that the website originally had a link to an online petition that it took down because of all the negative comments towards Real, and now points to a new petition that doesn't allow comments. And to top it all off, a lot of the negative comments on the blog have been filtered out since this morning when I originally read them.
O.K., now I am starting to feel bad for them. It almost seems like a last ditch effort to pull support for their dying company. So out of pity I decided to download a song from their music download site. I figure it's only 50 cents, and I would like to see what all the fuss is over, what with wanting to put it on the iPod and all.
What the hell? I can't download from a company who is trying to promote free music choice between all devices because I am on a Macintosh?! Why that goes against everything they are standing for. It completely undermines their entire point of the ad campaign! I just can't believe this.
It's just so.... Pathetic.
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August 17 2004, 9:28 PM EDT, by
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Comments:
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| Jonahan |
8/17/04, 10:23 PM EDT |
* Applauds *
Ok, yeah, I'm a writer/editor/site admin for the same site that iKen posted this story on, but I have to say that's one of the best bits of writing I've read in a while. Bravo, my friend.
The comments on some of the articles of Real's "grass roots" Web site are priceless - it's good to see Real get hammered for their CEO's stupidity.
You know what else is funny? Real.com has no mention of a music download service. Realnetworks.com does, but it's only text - you have to click the "Consumer" graphic link which takes you to Real.com. The store may well be in their player (I don't know, and I have no desire to find out), but the site makes no mention of that whatsoever. Hey Real, how about opening your site up so that people can actually navigate it? We'd start a petition, but we really don't care.
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| rlhamon |
8/17/04, 10:25 PM EDT |
Damn Divo for turning to the Dark Side.
I think that we need to whip them into shape, shape it up Divo.
Also Devo song "Whip It" debut in 1980.
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| DJ-LC |
8/17/04, 10:44 PM EDT |
I wonder how long until they go out o' business ?
Hasn't Apple already slammed 'em with a lawsuit ?
Anyway...* runs off to BALEET ! Real Player *
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| iKen |
8/17/04, 10:45 PM EDT |
Thanks Jonahan, That means a lot. :)
Rlhamon, I fixed the mistake, thanks for letting me know, I wasn't sure if it was 80 or 81...
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| adam jackson |
8/17/04, 11:11 PM EDT |
honestly, if you write a long article i read parts of it, but i have to agree with john, I loved that article thanks so much!!!!
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| moiety5 |
8/18/04, 12:44 AM EDT |
Good job with the article. Don't worry about overuse of pathetic. When the shoe fits . . .
Rock-on-Rob! (I can't even type that without laughing.)
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| sweetjimmyhugs |
8/18/04, 11:22 AM EDT |
I like to dump a wheel-barrel of rocks-on-Rob...
Good article... I think you missed a big part of the story though. Isn't what Real did illegal? It was my impression that you are not allowed to backward engineer someone else's software for your own company's profit.
Still, you has a way with them there writin' words and such.
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| Crack That Whip |
8/18/04, 1:31 PM EDT |
I like DEVO - I'm planning to rock o-n to their quirky new wave sound, just as soon as I buy it from the iTunes Music Store.
Can anybody tell me - why the hyphen in "on"? Or is that more of that stylin' HacKeRz punctuation the kids are so into these days?
-Lost in the 80s
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| hmmm... |
8/18/04, 3:36 PM EDT |
If Real (who truly are pathetic and crappy, BTW) goes under, then what will happen with sites that stream Real audio format stuff? I bet a lot of them will switch to the *even crappier* Windows Media format rather than the greatly superior streaming mp3 format a la Shoutcast.
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| Altos |
8/18/04, 10:23 PM EDT |
Real will be victim of its own stupidity. No need for Apple or it's fans to go on an (un)real tournament to take them down. It would be like beating on a dead horse.
Pathetic indeed (worthless, mediocre, shortsighted, dishonest and childish also fit the bill very well).
I just hope they hurry up and disapear so we can move on to worthwhile stuff and regain a positive meaning for the word "real".
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| stickman67 |
8/19/04, 12:44 AM EDT |
USR: US Robotics or US Real? Hmm!
Am I the only one who can see through this transparent attempt to get a copy of Blondie's "Heart of Glass" onto every MP3 player in the continental United States (not to mention certain Alawi Muslim villages in northern Syria)?
And why has George W. Bush never been seen in the same room as Janet Jackson? Yeah, didn't see that one coming, did you! Ha!
Once again a croquembouche flambeau stares down death at the hands of implacable logic and sets the ceiling afire! Fwahahahahahahahahahaha! Fwahahahahahahahahahahaha ... aaaaarghle!
Damn! Nearly choked on my prosthetic chompers.
Nurse! Nurse! Damn your hide, nurse! A shot of your finest anti-hallucinogen! The monkeys are climbing my codpiece again, and this time they've brought the liver!
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| HTML Samurai |
8/19/04, 8:21 AM EDT |
Awesome piece of work there iKen!
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The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?
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