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 We've just heard from a reliable source that the long-awaited PowerMac revision will happen this week. Our source just happens to be the finest in the biz: a former tech worker who now peddles his knowledge of the industry on the streets. Basically, the way it works is, you toss some shiny coinage in his styrofoam cup and he'll give you the skinny on all of Apple's upcoming products. He's been dead on the money for calling things like the headless iMac, the forthcoming Apple PDA/cell phone, iPod A/V, even OS X for Intel, plus he predicted that Steve Jobs would be wearing a black turtleneck and jeans for the past 17 keynote speeches.
Granted, some of his predictions haven't come to light yet, but that's just a testament to how far ahead this guy can see!
Now, we shouldn't really reveal this, but...ah, what the heck - you guys have been good and you deserve it! The scoop is that Apple is working closly with yet another new partner, Levi Strauss, in bringing another revolutionary product to the market: iPants.
That's right folks, iPants will be the next hot item to fly off of store shelves (and lower torsos) everywhere. These iPants will have built-in wireless 802.11g wireless connectivity, an iPod dock, cell phone and PDA pockets, pocket-to-pocket Firewire connections, solar panels to recharge on-the-go, and even a temperature gauge to raise and lower pant legs as the weather changes.
Some of you hardcore 2GAMAAW fans may have noticed our poll options in the past have included some mention of these iPants. Well, it's time we let the cat out of the bag and inform everyone that our poll is actually being used by Apple to get advance product interest on what might actually sell. Our readers are diverse, informed, intelligent, have great senses of humor and are also very good looking and smell nice. This is the market Apple wants to hit, so they've paid us (with a lifetime supply of fishsticks) to find out what products will be the next ones to change the world.
(It's the least we can do for humanity, really.)
So if you have a new product you'd like to see, or have a new feature for iPants that would rock the world, say it loud and clear! Steve just might be listening. |
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March 22 2004, 6:28 PM EDT, by
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Comments:
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| Jonathan |
3/22/04, 6:30 PM EDT |
Good thing the writers don't have to smell nice..
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| Cosmic Stan |
3/22/04, 10:05 PM EDT |
Hey, I told you that stuff in the strictest of confidence!
Modernity chunk where the sink goes flying on the ping-pang! I can't be in two places at once!
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| rlhamon |
3/22/04, 11:27 PM EDT |
wow iPants. I hope they would put the iPod dock around the crouch area so that i would finally look like I have a package.
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| stickman67 |
3/23/04, 5:00 AM EDT |
Do they have a 'lectric iPony?
Ma, I wanna 'lectric iPony. I want one.
Maaaaa! I wanna iPony!
*SLAP!*
Thanks, Ma. I needed that ...
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| speedyrev |
3/23/04, 11:02 AM EDT |
On those iPants... are they tailored to dress right or dress left?
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| michael |
3/23/04, 6:27 PM EDT |
Could I suggest a sexual arousal/attraction monitor that communicates with other iPants in the immediate area via Bluetooth?
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| Lucas Haley |
3/23/04, 7:02 PM EDT |
I heard a rumor that what was next is the iHaveFallenAndCantGetUp.
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| hey |
3/23/04, 9:55 PM EDT |
crotch not crouch, one is an area on your body, the other is a verb
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| sweetjimmyhugs |
3/23/04, 10:12 PM EDT |
typos are funny
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| stickman67 |
3/24/04, 5:16 AM EDT |
No, it wasn't a typo. rlhamon meant that if he squatted it made his tackle look bigger.
And he's right, you know.
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| Jooblie |
8/2/04, 9:59 AM EDT |
Hehe....... iPants....
This was a good one! Now when the hell is apple going to release them!?????
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I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment", even if he does, because it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call it a "speech improvement", and I go up to the guy and say, "Hey, Bob, I like your speech improvement." I think this makes him feel better.
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