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Today Is No Pants Day - But Keep Them On! |
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 Today is national No Pants Day. You might think we at 2GAMAAW would be pumped for this celebration of pantslessness, but we just can't endorse the holiday.
While it would be sort of freeing and exhilarating to go around without pants, there are some lines even we won't cross. Not lines of taste or anything, mind you (we could care less what people think) but it's just our own internal belief structure.
Y'see, pants are a good thing people! God wouldn't have put pants on this earth if he (or she) didn't want us to wear them. They come in all shapes and sizes, they protect your skin from the elements, keep you warm (or in the case of short pants, cool), and most species have pockets for holding all sorts of valuables and trinkets.
Pants just need to be worn. It's their purpose in life.
Granted, many females (and certain males) would no doubt enjoy it if the 2GAMAAW staff went out in their skivvies --- but we stand by our pants. Er, or in them rather. And if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything, am I right people?
Can you imagine what would happen if we just went around in underwear all day long? It's wouldn't be just the pants that would be unloved and sad, sitting around in the pants-pound, waiting forever for some new owner that never shows up. Society as we know it would crumble.
Traffic accidents would skyrocket from people staring at more revealing types of underpants, workplaces would suddenly become unproductive as people alternately retch or are obsessed by the lack of pants. Third world countries dependent on children working in textile mills would go even broker. (And don't think pants are actually "made" there, they just have adjustments made to them, are then interviewed and placed in a suitable locale with a specific climate and overall income level.)
So please people, don't celebrate No Pants Day today. We can't abandon our pants. We have to wear them strong and wear them proud. Today and all weekend we ask that you wear some form of pants. Long, short, corduroy, jeans, capri, khaki, chinos, slacks, trousers, all these pants and more need you to wear them! So get out there and start wearing those pants!!! |
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May 7 2004, 12:11 PM EDT, by
 |
Comments:
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| rlhamon |
5/7/04, 12:48 PM EDT |
Although your points are valid but if we didn't ware pants people would make sure to change their underwear every day.
I mean how many times have you fell behind on laundry and you looked at your underwear and though you know I could get an extra day out of these. raise your hands now ....
Well your wrong and a sick person for doing so. Underwear should be changed everyday even if you don't feel like it.
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| fuzzmanmatt |
5/7/04, 12:51 PM EDT |
HA! I'm not wearing pants right now! Watch me bounce!
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| iKen |
5/7/04, 12:54 PM EDT |
Wait... We ARE wearing pants today?! As SJH put it "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot"! The memo I got said no pants. Here I am at work trotting around with out pants, and it turns out the rest of you ARE wearing pants!? This is un-freakin-believable!!
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| HTML Samurai |
5/7/04, 4:19 PM EDT |
Pants are what makes the world go round! Why would anyone in their right mind intentionally choose to not wear pants?
This is a sick world we live in.
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| Me |
5/8/04, 8:33 AM EDT |
How about skirts, dresses and kilts?
much better then pants, atleast many of them!
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| Roy |
5/9/04, 10:31 AM EDT |
God didn't invent pants. It was Levi Strauss!
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| stickman67 |
5/9/04, 7:31 PM EDT |
Wow! Not only did Levi-Strauss produce a defining structural anthropology of the Trobriand Islands, but he also invented pants! You learn something every day when you surf this website!
(I guess those Trobriand Islanders were running around without any pants on when he got there ...)
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| Jonahan |
5/11/04, 2:54 PM EDT |
You also learn some new words and stuff when Stickman posts, which is cool. ;-)
Natives running around without pants? That must have been why missions were set up. Come to think of it, differences in pants-wearing beliefs were also probably the cause of the crusades. And really, every major war was either over people not wearing pants or having pants that fit too tightly.
Think about it.
Ok no, don't.
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| stickman67 |
5/12/04, 11:51 PM EDT |
Check out this website to get your genuine, certified, grade-A Civil War pants.
They come in varieties for privates ("Our pants proudly hold your privates!"), NCOs and officers, with optional Mule Ear, Dog Ear and USMC French style pockets for just a few dollars more!
Mind you, I don't really know what "mounted pants" are, and I'm not quite game to ask ...
So if you're a Civil War buff who's in the buff, trouser-style, pop on down and grab a pair or two.
You'll have a hot ball of Confederate lead in your butt in no time!
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5/14/04, 7:58 AM EDT |
we can dance
we can dance
everybody look at your pants
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This article is archived, so you may not comment on it.
(The good news is there's always the shoutbox, the forums or the contact form if you're socially-inclined at the moment!)
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Deep Thoughts |
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I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, "You know what will save the world? You're holding it in your hand." And the other scientist looks, and in his hand are peanuts. Then when he looks up, the first scientist is being taken away to the insane asylum.
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