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How Apple Got Her Groove Back |
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 Hi folks, we've been really busy lately cobbling together full stories from the bits and pieces of rumors we've gotten from our sources at Apple. We keep yelling at them and telling them we need more info, but what are you gonna do - the sources have a really good union and it lets them get away with pretty much anything and leaves us with almost bupkis. Almost bupkis, that is, because our own Crazy Stan, er... I mean Cosmic Stan (sorry buddy) just traipsed in here after weeks of not even calling us.
I mean, he could have at least emailed. Or iChatted. It's not like he didn't have an Internet connection, because we know he was just lounging about over at SweetJimmyHugs' place.
Well, in any case, Cosmic Stan entered with his usual "Grape-nuts and matter transference flatulence meter" line, and after some smalltalk we got down to what Apple is up to. Cosmic Stan mentioned, almost offhandedly, "Freeowwww....Fancy monkey buttons dancing on the head of a pin, nuclear fish nuggets of life", which of course refers to Apple's entire business plan!
That's right, we now know what Apple is up to, and you really need to buy some AAPL stock. Apparently, Apple is, get this, going to have products available at the same time or shortly after the time of announcement.
I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but it's crazy enough that it just might work. Apple has already started this strategy with the new iPod; Apple announced it circa Monday, and if you try to purchase one through the online Apple Store, shipping time is listed as 1-2 days.
Another example: Apple could have announced the new iMac G5, but instead chose to announce the announcement of a G5 in late August/early September, when there is more likely to be an actual physical iMac G5 that people can buy.
This whole thing runs counter to what Apple has been doing for years (most recently with the PowerMac G5 and iPod mini). Longtime Apple fans will surely chuckle at this frivolous new method of doing business, and will surely not know what to do when a product they've ordered shows up at their door in less than a week. A period of adjustment will be needed.
According to Stan, Apple has been dumping millions into market research and found out, oddly enough, that people don't want to wait 2 to 3 months for hardware they order. According to one Apple executive, "Most people want to be able to pay money for something, and then receive the physical product that they paid for a short time thereafter".
This is an interesting look into the psyche of the average human. Will this new business plan work out for Apple? That remains to be seen. But if Apple's Q3 financials are any indication, we're in for a fun ride!
Hahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!!!
Hehe...
Heh..
Um... Ok, I don't know why I was laughing like that, it just seemed like that's what I should do. QUICK - LOOK OVER THERE! It's a herd of Wild Ballmers! (* skedaddle *)
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July 20 2004, 4:52 PM EDT, by
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Comments:
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| itsamac |
7/20/04, 5:36 PM EDT |
reading your article gave me a nose bleed
i wish ballmer was my dad when i was littler that would have been fun he'd run around the house dancing and having fun i'd laugh he'd sing. but i think that would get boring real fast
but i wouldn't want to be his wife...i'll just stop there
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| sweetjimmyhugs |
7/21/04, 8:33 AM EDT |
I thought I had Cosmic Stan chained to the toilet so he couldn't talk to anyone. That Stan is pretty sneaky.
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| Veranodel378 |
7/21/04, 11:28 AM EDT |
I think I might've chuckled a number of times just now, lemme check.... yep. *sigh* krrrazzyy stuff stanny boy, you must've proded high and low for this plethora of business info.
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| rlhamon |
7/21/04, 9:54 PM EDT |
What I like the idea on waiting 3 months to get a just released product. Think about it when you ordered a new product and then you brag about it to people for like 2 weeks and well by that time my 3 friends are more than tired of hearing about it. So when I can't brag about it anymore well I just forget that I ordered my new Mac.
After 3 months passed the UPS man delivered a package from Apple and I wondered why I am getting a package from Apple and wow a new computer how cool ... it's like christmas when it's not really christmas!
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