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The Microsoft Car! |
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 Four years ago, our favorite (ha!) corporation, Microsoft, began work on a secret project that they just announced yesterday.
It seems as though Microsoft has started building cars.
A spokesperson for Microsoft said yesterday that the car is "very similar to the Windows operating system."
After getting an exclusive interview with the makers of the car, and seeing it in person, I realized that it was, indeed, very similar to their operating system.
The car is very basic. It has a box for the driver, four wheels, and an engine.
I noticed something strange about the wheels, though. They were all square.
"After years of research," said one Microsoft spokesman, "we have concluded that square wheels will actually make the car go faster than round ones, and people who use Microsoft's products have a 90% chance of believing this."
The car, like the Windows operating system, does have some (possibly severe) drawbacks:
-The engine, which costs $10,000 alone, must be replaced every two weeks.
-The engine gets its power from the driver pedaling, similar to a "bike-car"
-The car is vulnerable to an array of viruses. When asked how a car could get a virus, the spokesperson simply responded, "Cmon, man. It's Windows."
-The lack of a steering wheel or any type of steering mechanism
-And many other problems, including a paper frame, no seats, lack of waterproofing, and the inablilty to make right turns.
"We do admit," the spokesperson said, "that the inability to make right turns is definitely a major drawback. We have, however, created an effective 'patch' to solve this problem. Instead of going right, the driver can go straight past the block, then turn left, then turn left, and left again, and then they'll end up going right. It's a foolproof concept."
This is demonstrated in the diagram below:
The car, like the operating system, is expected to be used by millions of morons all around the world.
Before leaving, I managed to get a picture of the car. Remember, you saw it first on 2guysamacandawebsite.com!
In a similar story, Apple announced that it would start making it's own car, that will allow drivers to fly and travel through time.
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September 3 2004, 12:38 PM EDT, by
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Comments:
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| Ballmer |
9/3/04, 1:22 PM EDT |
I got 4 words for ya:
I
Love
This
ARTICLEWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
WOWWOOOOOOOOOO!!
ARRRRWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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| whatsinaname9000 |
9/3/04, 1:30 PM EDT |
alright then.
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| Ben Smith |
9/3/04, 2:21 PM EDT |
There's actually a review done on it after a test drive...
...follow my link! ;-)
http://www.bensmith.us/weblog.php?id=P88
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| sweetjimmyhugs |
9/3/04, 7:46 PM EDT |
Whatsina, you have unseated me as the person who has the most idiotic ideas for stories... great jorb!
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| whatsinaname9000 |
9/3/04, 9:08 PM EDT |
wow.....what a title.
i feel so.........honored.
*sniff*
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| Jonahan |
9/5/04, 1:08 AM EDT |
Is this anything like that "Microsoft Carl" that was out a while back? Y'know, it was a virtual office-mate, that would simulate everything a co-worker would do. It didn't really do too well, mostly due to the addition of scent secretors and the telling of the same stories over and over and over and over.
It was really ahead of it's time though, and you couldn't tell it apart from most of your regular co-workers.
There was no Mac version thank goodness.
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| cAtraXx |
9/5/04, 4:35 AM EDT |
I love the Patch idea ... it's how their patches work, really. Drive around the problem rather then really fix it.
My M$ hate scale just moved up 5 points ^^ Now i fear i'll have to buy an extention for it, though.
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| whatsinaname9000 |
9/5/04, 1:44 PM EDT |
My M$ hate scale broke cuz it was too high
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| auric |
9/19/04, 8:21 AM EDT |
You're laughing? Well, Apple DID make such a car already. Apple announced that it is still a preview version, but already as stable as windows could ever be (d'uh)
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This article is archived, so you may not comment on it.
(The good news is there's always the shoutbox, the forums or the contact form if you're socially-inclined at the moment!)
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Deep Thoughts |
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Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
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